Oct 7, 2014

Forget yourself





shirt- here // dress- similar on sale here // shoes- old steve madden similar here // satchel- here

Growing up I looked to my mother as if she was a superhero. She had grace, and elegance, but she also had strength. She was a working mother, with a powerful position in a magical world. She worked in fashion, and for a girl like me, it was heaven.

Have you ever seen Devil Wears Prada, with Ann Hathaway? Hands down, one of my favorite fall movies. It takes place back at home, in the very world I was raised in, New York Fashion week in autumn, oh the very thought of it gives me goosebumps. I remember going into Manhattan, and downtown where the factories were. I can hear thousands of sewing machines humming that ever present threading hum. I can see my mother looking through racks of garments. I remember being popped up on a table by an employee, and sized for my own custom dress. I remember the meetings she would have in Chinatown, the food I would be rewarded with, "if I was good." I remember it all so vividly, and most importantly, I remember watching my mother, and thinking I wanted to be just like her.

Of course, I wasn't always allowed to go to work with her. Those occasions were rare, few and far in-between. She was a single working mom, and with a career that had her traveling the world, we were separated for quite sometime during my earlier years of life. 

It wasn't easy of any of us, me, her, or my brother, but she did what she had to do to support us, and she did it well. Watching her be so successful, I always thought that I too would be a working mom. I didn't know any different after all. I shunned the idea of being a homemaker because I simply didn't know what that meant. 

When DC was born, I struggled hard with the idea of being a stay at home mom. It felt wrong to me. Foolish. After all, I had attended college, worked hard, landed jobs to do something with my life. Those thoughts were degrading. Those thoughts were mean spirited. I was bullying myself for months postpartum, wondering what the right thing to do was, when my heart already knew.

I wanted to tend to my son. I wanted to be there for him. I didn't want a nanny raising my child. I wanted to be there for everything, even the most "mundane" moments. Sure my future was set for success in my chosen career field. Yeah, I could have done great things with my education and hard work ethic, but I am. I am taking what I learned, and using it to be the best mother I can. I am investing in the greatest "stock" there is, my son!  It was just right for us. 

I know every situation is different. Every mother and child may have different needs. The battle in my mind of pursuing a career is there. It exists. One day, I will work a full time job, outside of my home, when my children are grown, and don't need my full attention to blossom. Until then, I brought him into the world, it is my job to care for him.

I cheer all working moms on. I know the struggle is different for each of us, and I so admire my mother for her success. I think that is where my struggle stems from, I wanted to be like her, but my son needs something different. I have learned from all of this to be more selfless. I can always be better, but I am trying my very best.

For you sweet son, I will do anything.

7 comments:

  1. Oh my the speaks to me in so many ways. So. MAny. Ways. Send you so much love and I really hope you feel it. You are an incredible mama and I hope you don't ever think differently.

    I believe that becoming a mom is a process of getting to know exactly what you are made of and you my dear are more valuable than gold.
    xo
    Natalie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Natalie,

      You are such a strong and inspirational woman! You just give off this beautiful vibe of love.

      Thank you so much for everything you do!

      xo

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  2. you're a strong mama bear! i like youu

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    Replies
    1. Candice,

      Thank you for leaving such a sweet comment!

      Sending you huge hugs, and a million thank yous!

      xo

      Delete
  3. This is exactly how I feel. I want to give everything to Grayson. I just wish financially we could afford for me not to work. So many thing to figure out :( I just want to stay home and raise my son!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer,

      You are a wonderful momma! I'm sending you lots of good vibes, that you can reach your loving goal soon!

      xo

      Delete

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