Oct 6, 2014

This time last year.

shoes - old steve madden similar here // pants- loft here // sweater- loft here // clutch- ℅ joy bound apparel here // 
note: loft is having a 40% off every sale

This time last year, I was working. It was a struggle, the crazy back in forth in my head. The questions, the doubts, the fear. It was a hard decision to face barely three months postpartum. It weighed on me so heavily that in-between the night feedings, and my brainstorming, I didn't sleep at all.

This time last year, there was so much going on hormonally between the pregnancy and the breastfeeding, that there was no real way to think straight. I wasn't me. My thoughts were all over the place. I had a hard time figuring out who I was as a mother, who I was as a wife, and who I was as a person, because together with the hormones, I was just a sleep-deprived, hungry, nursing, mess.

I would sit in my office durning lunch and pump staring at a picture of my son, wondering if I was doing the right thing for him, for us, for me. There was obviously a lot of soul searching, and way more going on then I first realized, especially in the moment. I remember crying sometimes mid-day at work, thinking about all that I was missing. I would race home afterwards, and find him sleeping. My husband would recount what his mother had told him, and then what they did when he picked up DC, and I would bawl.

I don't know if it was the hormones, the lack of sleep, the stress, or all of it, but it would break me down every single time.

As I lay here now, with my baby fast asleep, and the idea of having another on my brain, I feel so blessed that the crazy stage of life this time last year has passed. That I was able to find my answer. That I was able to do what was right for us. But all that being said, I wonder when the next one comes,  will DC lose our one on one time? Will having another baby take me away from him? Will it hurt when I have a newborn crying for my attention, taking me away from my baby boy? These are scary thoughts, but they are real nonetheless.



  1. love how real this is. i'm battling with the same questions in my head, wondering how my relationship with my son will change with a second. they definitely are scary thoughts. and exhausting thinking of doing it all over again!


    1. Krista,

      It sounds exhausting, but it goes so fast. Look at us already thinking of the next one!

      You are so full of love for your little, that I am certain you will rock the challenge of two, when the time is right for you!


  2. I will be honest + say your worries for DC not getting one-on-one time was exactly why I was a little sad I was having twins my first go-around { not that I would trade them for a second! } I just always envisioned that quality time with my first born. Now that they are here I am pleasantly surprised I still get that time with each baby + you will, too. :) Sometimes your new baby will be asleep + you can focus solely on DC, + sometimes he will entertain himself with something as you give quality time to the new baby. :) It will all work out! Don't let those scary thoughts hold you back once you feel ready to welcome another into your adorable little clan <3

    1. Kelly,

      How wonderful are you?! You have twins. You won't have to worry about getting baby fever anytime soon! If I had twins, I would probably be done!

      Thank you for such beautiful insight. Those are thoughts and ideas that never crossed my mind, and make the idea a little bit brighter!

      Your words are so heartfelt. I teared up as I reread it over and over again, to get the most out of all of it. Thank you so much Kel.


  3. Love your honesty! This is what im going through as I just had a baby, I have all this anxiety going on.
    Your post gives me hope that it will pass and get better.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...