Jun 4, 2013

My thoughts about happily ever afters

Experiencing motherhood is something I have wanted my whole life. I was never sure if I would ever be lucky enough to find the one man I would spend the rest of my life with, but I was certain that no matter what, I would experience being a mommy to a sweet angel. Adoption was not just an option, but also a sweet desire of my heart. That is for another post, but being pregnant has really been a bittersweet experience. One I feel so very lucky to have been able to experience. Of course 8 months in, do I really remember what it is like to not be pregnant?

Somehow, my husband has been able to get past all the roadblocks and obstacles, barbed wire, as I like to refer to it, wrapped around my heart. Something I did, in hopes that no one could, or would, ever be able to be close enough to me to cut me deep. Loving him, and allowing him to enter “if he dared”, became a lot easier after I saw the genuine, kind hearted, man he is. Something about him was different then all the others.

He just knows what I need, before I myself have a clue, and provides it no matter what it takes. Now, being married, those same wonderful traits are only magnified. The love we share is so much sweeter, a different kind of love then when we dated, and even then when we were engaged, but in the best kind of ways. The people we were just two years ago seem like strangers because nowadays we know each other so much better. Every intimate detail, the innermost workings of each other are known to a t, and that alone made the big “let’s make a baby,” more of a gift, then a chore.

If I could give advice to any couple at the cross roads of having a child, or starting a family, I think the first thing I would say is be sure that you have a great sense of being a couple, before moving forward. Take the time necessary, whether it be three weeks, six months, or ten years, to be sure that you know your partner well. Learn how to communicate with them in a healthy manner, learn what bothers them, what their interests are, what about them bothers you, before adding another person into your lives.

It obviously, didn’t take the Mister and I too long to decide we knew each other well enough to invite a sweet angel out of the heavens and into our lives, but even now, we make sure to continue learning about each other. Asking questions about the dreams we have, what about us is changing with the time ticking for Baby to arrive.

Having a baby or trying to start a family can do two things to a couple, it can bond them, or it can end them. There are a lot of changes that come from a pregnancy, with hormones, sickness, stress, and even financial issues. Things that never came up previously are front and center. Pregnancy in reality does open a new can of worms, and without the proper foundation can send a couple into a downward spiral. With a strong foundation, the spiral is more upward, and can open a new deeper kind of love.

The stress of not being able to conceive, in the time frame we have hoped, can cause stress and dismay. Many women, who want children, but suffer of negative pregnancy test month after month, start to blame themselves, their spouses, their years of birth control, what have you. It can cause them to feel lacking, or worry, feelings that no woman should have to bare, are suddenly upon them. With the right foundation, their partner can act as a buffer, preventing the potential destructive thoughts and feelings that overwhelm a woman in her toughest trial. Her partner can be her rock, and together they can fall further into love. When a couple is on the same page, there actually isn’t anything they cannot get through. { The statements above are based off of the personal experiences of friends and family. }

Remember with love, a willingness to work hard for each other, and communication, anything, and any trial, even the darkest kind, are possible. It takes two. “Happily ever after,” may be a thing of make believe stories, but the true love we all hope for is possible, with a hard effort to keep it enact day after bloody or sunny day.

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