Mom to Mom // Lauren on being a stepmom

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never." I love how beautiful that quote is. But for some women, like myself, it does not apply to how I became a mother. 

No matter how hard you scour the internet, there are no quotes about a woman becoming a mother on her wedding day. That would be the one that would strike a chord with me. No, I didn't give birth the day I got married. I had the privilege of  marrying a wonderful man who was already a father.  On my wedding day I took on the role of wife to Tyler, and step mother to Brooks.

Growing up, I never dreamt about becoming a step mom. A mom, yes. A step mom, no. Most of what I knew about step moms came from Disney movies and observing friends who had less than awesome relationships with women they called by their first names. No, it wasn't on my list of things to become when I grew up. 

But as life tends to do, some of the best parts of our journey are things we never put on our to do lists. Some things happen unexpectedly and fit into your existence like they were meant to be there from the start. I mean it when I say that being a step mom is one of the very best parts of my life and will always be one of my crowning achievements. 

I remember my first date with Tyler vividly. I also remember every detail of my first date with Tyler and Brooks. I was more nervous for that date than any other date I went on in my whole life. I can still picture that little blonde two year old standing near a fountain holding a little bouquet of flowers in one hand and Tyler's hand with the other. 

Brooks has transformed into a big five year old kindergartener. His hair is turning brown and he stands a lot taller than the first time we met. I've been there for so many milestones, birthdays, owies, play dates and bed time prayers. I feel that it is such a privilege to be a part of his amazing little life. I am grateful every single day that Tyler chose me to be his wife and a mom. 

This summer, we were able to give Brooks the the most special gift we could ever give to him. A little sister named Avanelle. Of course I vividly remember the first moment meeting her. It was pure magic as they held her up and I got to see the most beautiful baby girl in the world. And although I met my babies in very different ways, they're both still my babies. And those first looks at them will always be etched deep into my brain. 

Now that Avanelle is here, we are a family of four. I was nervous before she arrived of how our family dynamic would change. The other day as I was making dinner, I looked over to the couch and saw Brooks sweetly singing an original tune to her. She spit up and he quickly grabbed her spit up cloth and gently wiped her face. He loves his little sister fiercely. I look at him and i see a proud big brother. And then I look at her, she is our glue. Avanelle is what solidifies my connection with Brooks. 

I love being a mom. I say it to Tyler all of the time. For me, being a mom also includes being a step mom. My role is important no matter the title and whether it is or is not recognized by others. I have a love with him that was gradual. And I have a love with her that was instant. They are different but one is not greater and one is not less. And at the end of the day blood and DNA isn't what a family is made of; love is. And I couldn't love my family more.