Jan 26, 2015

Mom to Mom // Amaris

All of my life, I knew one thing for sure, I wanted to be a mama. There was always this innate sense that it was what I was meant to be - my purpose, my calling. Since having Addilyn, I have never felt so much gratitude, happiness and an indescribable unconditional love. Each day I am so grateful for the blessing and opportunity I have been given to be a mama to this precious life. Though time is fleeting, and going by far too quickly, I am finally living out my dream. Becoming a mama has changed me - in so many ways. I now yearn to be the best possible version of myself - and to grow as a person each and every day. I try to find the simple pleasures in life, and enjoy them - live in the moment. Motherhood has taught me much more than I could have ever imagined. It has taught me how to love in the most intense and pure way possible. There have been a few moments in my 8 months of motherhood that truly reflected how much it has changed me.

One moment in particular, when Addilyn was only two months old, we were moved away from all of our friends and family, and my husband was working 12+ hour days. Being new to this whole thing, some days I felt alone, defeated, and unsure. I kept it to myself most days, in fear of being judged that I couldn’t do it on my own, I needed to be strong and independent. I had days where I felt sorry for myself, and I just wanted nothing more than a solid 8 hour sleep, and a moment for just me. I remember this one day, we had a rough night, naps were unheard of, and the crying was never-ending. I wished more than anything to be home, in my house, with my stuff, and family and friends - along with some help, really anything just "normal" to me! I sat on my bed, in this tiny little apartment that wasn’t my home, with none of my “things”, and I felt sorry for myself. I stared down at this perfect, beautiful, tiny precious gift - and could not even fathom that she was mine. My thoughts disappeared, my yearning for things that didn’t matter vanished in that second - the tears of sadness, frustration and anger were swept away by an overwhelming calmness, pure love and joy. I felt gratitude. This little lady, who was my miracle, my dream, looked up at me with tear soaked eyes, and just watched me. I knew in that moment, nothing I was upset over was even real, or worth giving energy to. I had all that I needed laying right there in my arms. 

I feel that at that time, I began to appreciate what I was given, instead of wishing it away. It is so easy to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, alone, defeated, and lost in the journey of motherhood. We all have those days where you want to crawl into a hole and not come out, but at the end of the day, we are all just doing our best. It was so much easier to be selfish before becoming a mama, decisions I made were for me (and my spouse) and if I wanted to just escape for a minute, I could. Doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and the second I gave birth, that was a thing of the past. I’ve learned the true meaning of selflessness. Of course when you get married, you begin to learn to do that and make compromises, but being a mama puts that on a whole new level. Instead of wishing so badly for the crying and fussing to stop, and to have two free hands again, I take those days and embrace them - accept them for what they are. I snuggle in bed with Addi, and carry her with me wherever I go, I rock her to sleep in my arms, and at times I cry for how lucky I feel to be experiencing all of this. 

I try to reflect on the little things that were my favorites parts of each day - they are mostly things Addi does, and again, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Whether it is me coming into her nursery after a long nap, and her huge smile awaiting me as she flaps her little arms up and down in excitement at the sight of her mama. Or the sound of her laughter, or her discovering new things every day, each moment is so precious - and I know one day I will yearn for the sleepless nights, the days where all she wants is to be held, and the ones where we laze in bed in our jammies - because getting ready isn’t an option. She has given me life, and so much purpose. Without always knowing it, my 8 months of motherhood has taught me more than my 25 years of life on this earth. For me, motherhood is what life is all about. Moments like the day I described above, are what make up this journey - the ups and downs, but we learn from them, we grow, we become better people. That is what motherhood is to me, and every day I cherish it. 


  1. Awwww I love this! I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with twins and get overwhelmed at times when hearing comments like "oh good luck" "get your sleep now" etc....yes I know my life will change but I'm excited for the new adventure and feel lucky I get to experience it as well! I will remind myself of this during he sleep deprivation period :)

    1. Marielle,

      I am so excited for your new journey! Congratulations on your little, so amazing.

      You have the right attitude about it, and from what you've said, you will be such a loving momma.

      xo & sending you happy momma vibes

  2. Amaris is a beautiful writer, mother and woman- is there anything she can't do! Love your IG, Twitter and catching your posts when I can.... and I now know how you have such a slammin' bod - 24 hour gym and the drive to actually use it! I need to get my ass in gear!

    I also featured Amaris on my blog a little while back - here's the link if you want to take a peek! Mummy Time #21; Amaris Arcus

    Love from the UK,


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