While "making a new friend," she asked me what I did for a living. I don't know if I froze, or if I blanked, but almost instantly I responded "I do nothing." I was both shocked and ashamed by my response. It kinda sent me into a whirlwind of thought the next few days after. I focused on it over and over again. What might I have said differently? How could I have better phrased it ? Why did I say what I said? I dug deep, and realized that growing up with a working mom, with a successful career, I had unconsciously connected a pay check, and a 9-5 work day to constitute as creating one's self worth, or defining one's purpose in life. What I did everyday (being a stay at home mom) seemed more like a slacker decision.
I realized I was degrading myself, and more importantly the role of my son in my life. I was bullying myself for putting my son first. Sure, I could easily have a big huge successful career, with a six figure salary, but I don't. Why don't I? I don't have a demanding office job because my job, taking care of my son is a lot more important.
Why is it that if I was paying a nanny to watch my child that would be their job, but when I tell people it is mine, they kinda roll their eyes and say "oh . . that's nice." Is it because a nanny leaves with a pay check? Is it because the nanny has set hours, or is it because within society and the "new norm," being a stay at home mom is taken to mean you eat bon bons, and watch reruns of the "Real Housewives," on Bravo. Sure I watch a rerun or two, when my husband gets home, but I don't really have time for anything when I'm home alone with my son. I don't have time to shower, sometimes I skip lunch, and most days I only take one pee a day (tmi). I work harder at being a mom then I ever did any paying job, and it is because I take it so dang seriously. I can't afford to screw this job up. I can't make one mistake. I can't miss one "meeting." It is the most demanding job I have ever had, and I am realizing I don't get paid because no one could afford to pay me for all the hours I work.
So, this is what I have come up with, I am a mom. You couldn't afford to pay me to work for you, and the next time someone asks me what I do for a living I have the best freaking answer in the world, I made it up and I am copywriting it, so don't steal this but here it is, "I am a child placement specialist," and when people ask me what that means I will smile and say, " I make babies, and bring them to my house where I love them and cherish them. Look it up. It's a pretty kick ass job. The pay sucks, but I love it. Totally rewarding." Bam!
pants gap here // tshirt- polo here // sandals - hollister here // plaid - old urban outfitters
pants gap here // tshirt- polo here // sandals - hollister here // plaid - old urban outfitters
Yes!!! Amen sister this is wonderful! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMoms are so important! I always cherished the years my mother stayed home with us. What was your career pre mom? Sounds like it was an impressive one!
ReplyDeleteLove this!! I loved learning in our Dave Ramsey class that SAHMs need life insurance, too, because the work that they is worth a LOT. We just do it for free, because we're rock stars. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThis is such a thought-provoking post. I've stayed at home since my oldest, who's now 7, was born. I also work part-time as a freelance writer/editor, but the majority of my time is spent with my kids, and my role as a mother is certainly my biggest priority. However, whenever I'm asked what I do for a living I'm quick to say "freelance writer" without mentioning that my work is done from home during naps and after bedtime. Why do we feel this need to downplay our roles as mothers when motherhood must be the most rewarding job around (and the most exhausting, taxing, draining, etc). We should be celebrating this role instead of trying to make excuses for it. Love your new job title. :)
ReplyDeletexo (IG follower),
Lara
I always feel the same way when people ask me what I do. I love being a stay at home mom, but I feel like people are constantly judging me for it, like they're better than me for having a career. You just made me feel ten times better about telling someone new next time! xo
ReplyDeleteLove it all! Reminds me of a post on wrote on why I wanted to be a stay at home home (http://stephenandallison.blogspot.com/2013/09/why-i-chose-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html?m=1) (wow, longest link ever!) It's such a hard thing to wrap your head around and explain, but the very best job we could ever be doing!
ReplyDeleteI randomly found your blog and I'm so glad I did because it brought me to this post! I hardly ever comment on blogs but this post really inspired me. I'm going to have a baby soon and be a stay-at-home mom. Staying at home with my kids is always something I've wanted to do & I look forward to it. But then there are some people who think being a stay-at-home mom means you do nothing & it's such a bummer they feel this way. Your post reminded me to be confident in what I'm choosing to & be proud it it.:) Xo.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE THIS POST!!!!!! So, so true...all of it! In the first few months I would respond similarly and feel shame with all the looks that I would get and all of the "so....what DO you ALL day????" Bottom line if they don't have kids, which most didn't there is no way they could possibly understand and yes they were all shocked (and still are) to find out that we watch 0 minutes of TV during the day. TV is a luxury bonus I get hours after the boy is in bed for the night. There are those days I'd love to be working a 12 hour shift somewhere but my son needs me more than any job does and I loved what you said about not being able to afford screwing this job up! So so true! Now I have learned to proudly respond, "I AM A FULL-TIME MOM" no shame no matter how anyone else responds or what they may think! We know what we do and our children will treasure having us around in those early years and that is all that matters. These memories we will make are worth far more than any amount we could ever get paid....EVER!
ReplyDeleteBless God for the desire He's given you for your children....it is His heart.
ReplyDeleteHello mommies, I just wanted to say good work!. I have a 15 month old son and work full-time while my child goes to day care. I hate to admit it but you are definitely doing the harder job by staying home. I am reading this blog in search for gearing myself up to have the courage to make the hardest decision i will ever make...leaving my job and a career in which i love to be a full-time mom! It is a HUGE sacrifice to leave that part or your of identity, adult interaction and sense of accomplishment to be home in a somewhat thankless job. I know it's what best for my child and my family but it soooo much harder for me to be home everyday than go to my office. You are all incredible for making the sacrifices you do and i hope i can grow up and be more like you!
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