May 12, 2014

ab·ra·ca·dab·ra // mother's day 2014

There are those moments in motherhood where you think you will never survive. The teething, & with it the constant cries & whines, the lack of sleep causing massive meltdowns, & the overwhelming feeling of being nonexistent. It is a constant struggle really this whole being a mom act.

I understand that it isn't suppose to be easy, of course, but sometimes I wish that the All Mighty could see me struggling, & take it away with just a snap of his fingers. I wish he could hear DC crying non-stop, & suddenly with a blink have him taking a three hour nap. That way I could collect myself, maintaining my composure a little more lady like, & a little less, "cry me a river," baby like.

Sometimes I wish he could see my son coughing with a terrible cold & fever, say "abracadabra," & thus heal him entirely. Maybe it really is that simple, & I know He could do that, but he doesn't, & that is because there is a lesson to be learned, but on the hardest of days I just think that stuff is "blah, blah, blah." I want to scream screw the lesson, help me!

Being a mother & watching our children hurt really takes a toll on our souls. At least I know it does on me & so many of those around me. I knew that motherhood taught selflessness & made us strong, but there were so many parts I wasn't aware of prior to the real thing.

The feeling of "I need to do something to help now," when my son is crying & reaching out for me (especially when we go to get his shots) is overwhelming . It is really an instinct, that feeling, & one I never knew existed within me. I feel this constant need to protect him, to keep him safe, & more importantly, to keep him happy.

I want him to smile, not cry. I want him to feel my love, not sickness. He is so perfect & pure, & has helped me to see the good in the world around me. The way strangers help, whether it is keeping him smiling & entertained on the plane ( thank you sweet seat mates ), or holding the door open for us when I have a million & one things in my hand. In so many ways my son has given me faith in the goodness of strangers again, taught me how to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, & has made me more grateful.

Motherhood is certainly a whirlwind. Full of highs & lows, but it is more beautiful than anything else I will ever do, even on the hardest of days. That is one thing I know for sure.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry this is your battle to fight right now. I find myself on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, with TOO much time on my hands, wanting more to do. I know I need to turn to Him in my empty afternoon hours just as much as I'll need to when things get crazier down the road.


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