Mar 6, 2014

Breastfeeding, or lack thereof.
I was empty. Words I thought I would never say. Between his teething, and what seems to be a cold, yesterday, DC just didn't want to feed as much. It seemed to hurt him, and so I would try time and time again, going off his cues.

This morning, I knew something was different about how my baby feeders felt. While he slept, I immediately ran to the pump. Drop after lonely drop fell, until there were no more drops. I did both sides, and saw it was less then a ounce all together! I cried. I sobbed. I panicked.

In my mind I could see all those beautiful moments of feeding my child, skin to skin, kiss to forehead, sniff after delicious sniff, gone. Right before my very eyes, it seemed those moments were going to be robbed of me, and I lost it. I couldn't let this happen. I loved nursing my son. Since the second he came out of the womb he wanted that bond with me, and he did it literally just that naturally.

How this happened I don't know, and that's what is driving me crazy. Somehow, somewhere I dried up, and although that may be true, I most certainly am not giving up. Far from it. I will let him "nurse," until it's back. I will drink tea after nasty tea, and pump the air out of these things, until something, anything returns. Because watching him drink up my supply of bottles, well it breaks my heart. He wants me, and I want him, and this simply cannot be. 

It hurts my soul, and neither of us were ready. I feel like I am failing him. Like it is all my fault. There is nothing anyone can do, it's my milk that I give to my son, and it's gone. I don't know where it went or why it went, but I am the only one who can get it back, and have no idea how.

Keep us in your prayers please. Please. Please.

Where can I find the outfit pieces featured above?
|| Pictures by Lindsay Dee Photography ||


  1. Oh I will be praying for you! You can make it through this!

  2. I feel your pain, really and truly! My babe is 5 weeks old I've had to supplement with formula since he was 4 days old due to severe low supply. It is heartbreaking. From what I've experienced so far in our breastfeeding journey is that many people believe that Lactation Consultants are for latch issues and newborns. I will pray that your supply abundantly rebounds but I would highly recommend contacting an LC!!! Especially one that is board certified. They can prescribe you a specific plan to get you back on track. That made the world of difference for me and my son, especially when googling gives you 500 different opinions and often leaves you more anxious than when you started! By working with a lactation consultant my supply has grown to where I am almost able to supply my son half of what he needs daily. I was put on a specific supplement and pumping schedule and the LC and I emailed almost daily to tweak the plan as needed. I still pray that it will continue to grow but I know that we wouldn't be where we are without her. I will sing their praises (a good one!) because they will walk with you and consult with you till you get to where you need to be. Praying for you, I know how hard it is to see something so special like this seem to slip away.


  3. Sweety,
    Your milk is not gone-- promise! The production may be down due to babes sickness and teething, but it is not gone. Nurse, nurse, nurse. It's the only thing that will build it back up. Try not to offer bottles-- as the flow is much different than that of the breast. You can also try a supplement called more milk plus. Eat lost of oatmeal too! Keep nursing-- I promise your supply will return! Keep him skin to skin and at the breast as much as you can. Don't be discouraged! Hugs to you!


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