Sep 25, 2013

Lounging like a cool momma.

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The other day I was at my mother-in-law's, and she said to me "you are such an amazing mother," almost getting teary as she repetitively complimented me on my ability to love and mother my precious son. I have had friends tell me this before, and although it means a lot coming from them, to hear it from such a role model, like my mother, well that just knocked the wind out of me. In my own life I have worked so hard to make people proud of me, and school was an accomplishment, among other leadership positions, jobs, etcetera, but no "I am proud of you," has ever been as sweet as the, "I am proud of you for being such an amazing mom." I am crying just typing it. I feel like I live my life for him, and for my mother-in-law, and own mom, to take note, to see it just in my eyes when I look down at my sleeping babe, well I must be doing something right.

Recently, I had a job offer, which really confused me. I love being a mom, but after working for so long, I still don't know how to turn that urge off. I've been working since I was fourteen, and then went on to working two jobs in high school, and full time in college while taking fourteen to sixteen credits a semester, all the while being in a sorority. I guess I have never been the "one thing at a time" kinda gal, and never felt like I ever had to turn one thing down to do another. I always just told myself I could do it all, and it would be hard work, but I could do it "if I really wanted to." 

When this job offer came up, it paid well, it would fit my schedule perfectly, and it was a dream job in many ways, it forced me to think "what do I really want," and more importantly, "what is best for my family?" Woah. Decisions are a lot deeper than ever before, and their repercussions can last a lifetime.

My ambitions are obviously still my own, but are they changing? What are they? In my new role as a mother, I feel like I am still working out the "me" and "we" kinks. Tricky stuff this motherhood is, but man, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love fall, I love my family, and I love the blessings that God has given me.

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