Aug 28, 2013

all beefed up & preggo \\ Dawson's One Monther

For the longest of time I described myself as naturally skinny,  athletically toned, & genetically incapable of gaining any weight. During middle school I was bullied for being "anorexically skinny", in high school I struggled to accept my still small frame, & then in college I embraced my body, and loved the way I looked. Finally.

Like most women, I had body acceptance issues, but it was when I really embraced what I was dealt, that I felt the prettiest. It took, oh I don't know, about 19 years or so, but that place of embracing me was a beautiful one.

Pregnancy threw me for a loop. Like never before, no matter what I ate, or did, the weight piled on. Pound after pound, I watched that scale climb. I was shaking in my boots; it wasn't just the weight that was changing my body, it was the hormones doing a number on every inch of me. I had only barely started to embrace myself as beautiful, & now I was watching my body change before my eyes. Not at all in ways I thought were beautiful.

I felt like I still looked great my first trimester. The weight only went to two places, those being my tum & my lady lumps. I wasn't complaining. I loved my growing bump, it was the most breath taking part of the whole experience, especially at the beginning. The second trimester something was for sure happening to my body, & I wasn't as accepting as I was the first trimester. This dark line started to form on my bump (linea nigra), my muscle tone started to wash away, my waist was widening (gotta prep those birthing hips),  & the weight was sticking. That water weight, oh that water weight, it was starting to collect, & I was sweating like a 40 year-old virgin on his first date. How cute can you feel when you're sweating profusely, storing water faster then the Water Boy, with Adam Sandler, & literally getting wider by the day, not to mention the stretch marks that make you look like you're going to rip in half.  I was getting nervous. Third trimester came, and this momma-to-be was hibernating like a bear in the winter, except it was summer. 

Everyone told me that I looked great (all beefed up & preggo), how skinny I was after I gave birth, but who really listens to people when they are telling you things you don't believe? I looked in the mirror, & even my face made me feel fat. The horror.

Would I ever come back from this? In that moment, & even still I realize, if I want to get back to being a skinny-minnie, it will take time, exercise, and hard work, but hey, I'm willing. A thread mill & olptical never hurt me before. So, let's get this workout playlist made, sign up for that gym with the cool Zumba classes, & get this mama butt into shape! Those stretch marks might be permanent, but this weight is most certainly not!

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