#38weekspregnant

Being 38 weeks pregnant, my body is sore and tired with a really heavy weighed down feeling. My face rounder then a grapefruit, my body bigger then a blimp, and every morning I wakeup and think " oh crap . . . I'm still pregnant. " 

The idea that this can go on for another 3 weeks, is scarier than any scary movie I've ever seen, and I doubt that I will be able to keep any kind of upbeat attitude, when I feel totally defeated by my body's sheer exhaustion and pain. 

I erased the count down to when baby comes, because frankly it feels as though he or she will never come. The Mister saids it is because I started the count down too long ago, and should have waited. This statement made me laugh, and I thought to myself " I have been counting down the years to having a baby since my mother handed me my first doll at the young age of two. " Since I can remember, before I even thought of being married, I would dream about being a mother. When asked what my dream car was at five, I responded "a minivan, so I can fit all my babies into it!"

I walk two steps, and I have to pee. I look in the mirror, and feel wretched. I wake up in the morning, and I want to vomit. I sit up straight, and my back starts to ache.  I walk outside, and my hands and feet start to swell. I go to get dressed, never turning to my own clothes anymore, always slipping into my husbands. I look at my tum and miss my baby. I just want to hold her or him, kiss them, love on them, smell them. I just want them!

Of course being pregnant is a miracle, and I was even one of the woman who would listen to other women say that they were "so ready to be done being pregnant," while in their third trimester and roll my eyes. How could they be done doing something so many women wish they could do? How could they be done doing something so beautiful and miraculous? Well folks, in my experience, it isn't all that easy, comfortable, glamourous, or self esteem boasting a process the whole entire ten months. Each month of pregnancy does carry with it extreme points of happiness and awe, but each month also carries with it their struggles, sometimes I feel too tired and defeated to withstand. Of course, I would do this again in a heartbeat, but I might need a few yearsss to recover! After all, your body changes almost entirely during a pregnancy, and soon your baby's life is the one life your body is focused on. Perhaps, that is a way of nature telling a mom, she needs to become totally selfless, and after this experience life any other way wouldn't make sense. You love your child so completely that nothing else seems to takes precedence.

If our body and our mind are so enveloped into being a mother, and our baby really only needs us to survive, since we are their sole source of food, how do we balance a marriage, our husbands, our partners? Asking myself that lately, I have come to conclude that the easiest way to transition from being all about the baby, is to share the role of being the baby's provider with your partner. Come up with active ways before hand to both share the load, and the love you have with your new bundle of joy, with your sweetheart. Together, in sharing the duties and love, you will become closer to one other, find a stronger connection of love yourselves, and explore the more selfless side of the other. What a beaute that sight can be.

And, if any of you women are in your third trimester, and feel like you need a boast, try a hot 30 minute shower, a little self tanner, and a big heap of whatever fruit of veggie you have been craving. That seems to give me a little sunshine in the grey of the last few weeks.