If you are pregnant and sick all the time, you are not alone.

I had this funny idea that one day, when I was pregnant, I would have this glow, wear the same clothes until the very end of my pregnancy, and that really nothing, in those nine months, would change in my life, other then the fact that I was so excited and waiting for Baby. That is not reality, and perhaps just an illusion shows on TV, pretty models on magazines, and even people I knew that were / had been pregnant  made +  let me believe. I had never heard anything ever contrary to the illusion that pregnancy is just wonderful. I knew labor sucked, there was no denying that, everyone who had a kid would gladly say so, but no one told me pregnancy would.. suck too. If I have popped your bubble, you should thank me because I wish so badly someone would have told me this. Now, for some of you, you lucky unicorns of nature, pregnancy will be delightful, or not so bad, but for most of you it will honestly be the hardest thing physically you will ever have to endure, of course counting labor.

The funny thing is, that once I was pregnant, and experiencing constant vomiting, nauseousness, gas, weakness, acid reflux, and hospital visits, all the stories I had never heard, words of comfort like "I was sick the whole nine months," or "I use to have to sleep by the toilet for weeks" came out of the woodworks. Like now, that there was really no turning back, the truth could be unveiled and it was not at all what I had heard from the same people before! I just wanted to look those ladies dead in the eye, and say "you are a poopscile!"

I felt like had I known the truth from the beginning I would have been better prepared, you know like your first bikini wax, you ask all your friends what it's like, and they prepare you for how bad it will hurt. Then, you lay on the table, feel the wax being spread, and think to yourself how badly it will hurt. Then the strip is applied, and pulled, and it wasn't nearly as bad as you had thought, because in your mind the pain seemed so much worse! Well no one tells you to prepare yourself for the way the acid burns your throat when you are barfing straight bile in the morning. Nope. I know this is graphic, but its true. It does happen, and I hope that maybe by telling someone, anyone, I can help you brace yourself. Having a baby is going to be the greatest thing I will ever do, but the actual making of the baby is pretty dang hard!

Being sick does really take a toll on me emotionally + mentally. I feel like I'm not even a part of the outside world, because if I step out I will barf guaranteed, and barfing in public, doesn't exactly boost your confidence level. I get sad because if I don't eat every 30 minutes, my sugar level drops, my stomach climbs to the back of my throat, I start sweating, and my food does a high jump off my tonsils and out into whatever I have time to to catch it! I'm at 14 weeks, and I wonder honestly how I have made it this long feeling like I have this never ending flu.

Whoever said pregnancy and childbirth are natural, I wish I had their pregnancies because I just feel like I have some awful virus, that no doctor can prescribe a cure for other then "push it out nine months from now as the most beautiful baby you have ever seen!"

     Baby,

I love you so much.

I cannot wait to hold you.

I cannot wait to smell you.

I cannot wait to see your tiny baby hand wrapped around my finger.

I cannot wait to watch you sleep and grow.

On the day that you are born my life will truly begin.

You are my world, and right now you are about the size of a lemon, but you are my lemon.

You are everything I have ever wanted, I just wish that the stork was real.

Love,

Mommy