Jul 5, 2017

Gramming on my blog




taylor swift may not have found her soulmate, but homegirl's love for red lipstick goes deep! i mean, she writes entire songs about the stuff. i envision her putting her favorite red lipstick on, looking at herself in the mirror, and saying, "mazel tov! that's better." i guess her feelings about red lipstick are how i feel about filling in my eyebrows. gotta have the damn stuff on to feel like i look alive. #ThatsBetter

i wore the nipple covers everyone in the itty bitty titty committee was raving about, but, to my dismay, i've learned that breastfeeding two kids, small boobs or not, those things will hang low. #WellThatsEmbarrassing

at what age is eating sprinkles no longer socially acceptable? because give me a good small, sprinkle, twist cone from DQ, and i'm set! are we talking like age two, seven... eighty-three? i think probably eighty-three because that denture life. meh, let's make it ninety. they make those dentures pretty tough right?

speaking of dentures, one time we picked my grandma up for dinner. she got in the car all set to get some outback steakhouse, and this chick forgot her damn dentures! how you gonna eat a steak with no teeth...or the better question is - could you even eat a steak with dentures? #SacrificesHadToBeMade #SheChoseTheSteak

1 comment:

  1. Kelly GruetzmacherJuly 6, 2017 at 8:55 PM

    �� I've been dying to find a "bralette" because everyone says they are great for small chests! I've tried on a million and I guess after kids you aren't even considered small chested! Maybe just sad chested!?!? Thanks for the good laughs!

    ReplyDelete

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