Apr 16, 2014

Fear of Failure

My breastfeeding story is one for the books, and after trying to hard to figure out exactly how to explain the whole experience (although still on going), I feel it is one to be shared.

When I was pregnant, how I was going to feed my baby seemed to be everyones business. Strangers, friends, family, everyone wanted to know "if I was going to bottle feed, or breastfeed?"

Looking back on it now, I feel like there is so much pressure being pregnant and having a child. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone's advice is always the right thing to do. They make it known, and solicited or not, they will give it. I know I too have been guilty of giving "advice," both solicited and unwelcome, and to anyone whom I have offended with such, I am so very sorry. It can be so overwhelming, and when you're pregnant, and beyond hormonal it can almost always be hurtful or worrisome.

Anyways, my mother's experience with breastfeeding was not the easiest. She wasn't able to nurse for very long because her supply ran out, and it was her fear that the same would happen to me. Having some health issues myself, I still wanted to breastfeed, but with the thoughts, opinions, fears, worries, advice of so many, my head was not in the right place. I was already worrying that I would be unable to produce enough milk to nurse exclusively, and my babe wasn't even born yet.

I was doubting myself, and my body, and really not giving myself the chance. I had a strong fear of failing. I didn't want to fail my son or my husband with an inability to do something a woman should be able to do. That pressure is a load to bear, let me tell ya.

So, every night I would pray that I would be able to nurse. Sharing such a strong and important bond with my child was so incredibly important to me, and it still is. I wanted it so bad, despite all the negativity surrounding it. I prayed, and prayed, and didn't stop praying until I held my son for the first time. They handed him to me, and when I say he instantly tried to latch I am not kidding. As soon as they gave him to me, he smelt me, knew I was his momma, and went for the boob. I was still wearing my gown, but that didn't stop him. Mouth gaping, I smiled and cried. My prayers had been heard. He heard me. You heard me. I pulled down my dress, and within seconds, he was latched like a champ. No one had to show me or him how. It was instinct. It didn't hurt me like people had warned. It wasn't sore. It was so natural for us. I know that it was only because I went with a humble heart, and a strong desire to do what was best for my little, in prayer that such a miracle was provided.

I cherish the nursing sessions nine months later just as much as the very first moment. I love when he falls asleep on me while nursing. I adore the comfort it gives him. The bond we have because of nursing is unlike anything else. It is amazing, and from this whole experience I have learned that my body can do anything. That I am capable of success and have to allow myself to be successful without fearing failure. I think fear is the start of failure, and if you fear it, it will come.

As mothers I know we can do anything. Sure, it will take time, faith, prayer, and a humble heart, maybe even years of patience, but through the trials of life come our biggest opportunities to grow better and stronger.


  1. I love how honest you always are sharing your stories! I agree breastfeeding is one of the best things in my life! The bond is amazing! One time I had my milk supply drop to almost nothing when Eli was about 5 months old, and let me tell you, there was a lot of prayer for me during that time. The Lord always hears us!

    1. @ Anne,

      I so look forward to all your comments. They are always so heartfelt, and warm. I may not personally know you, but I love you so!

      Thank you for sharing such sweet sweet words. I too had a supply dip, as you know, and it freaked me out like no other. I totally agree, He does hear us, we just need to be remain humble, never hard or harsh. "All in the Lord's time." (insert huge smile here!)

      All my love, and big huge hugs!


  2. Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your story! I had a challenging breastfeeding experience with my first, and I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my second, and not really sure how it's going to go this time around. Your words have reminded me of who is really in control of the situation, and giving something to God is the best way to let his will shine through. Thank you for this sweet reminder and your words of encouragement!

    1. @ Ali,

      Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your sweet story. I know that you can certainly do anything you put your mind to. Congratulations on little number two!

      I am honored that my post could help to remind you of your amazing strength & faith.

      All my love, & best of luck to you on your beautiful journey of momma to two!


  3. I'm a new reader and I've been loving your posts so far! My baby is 5 months old and I stopped breastfeeding/pumping when he was two months old because I barely had any milk. It was devastating at the time, but I've been at peace with it. I think you are awesome for praying ahead of time. I never thought to do that, but I definitely will the next time around ;) ps I hope you are liking Michigan. I grew up there and have since moved away, but miss it. Summers there are great!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...