Feb 2, 2015

Mom to Mom // Grace Portillo

I will never forget the first time that I saw my sweet baby girl, Saxon. The nine months leading up to that moment were filled with attempts at ‘preparing’ for the birth of my child. I had everything that I needed and had been blessed with an abundance of advice from my own mother, and other mothers surrounding me. The one thing that nobody told me, was that no matter how much I ‘prepared’, no matter how much advice I listened to, no matter how many things I bought that were supposed to make the arrival of this baby a little more smooth, becoming a mother was going to be an epic, and sometimes terrifying learning experience that would be entirely unique. Becoming a mother would help me evolve into a better version of myself.
There have been moments along this ride called motherhood where I’ve felt like maybe I’m the baby of the house because I might lose it and throw a tantrum myself. In particular, the transition between infancy to toddlerhood has been a trying stage. With a newborn in hand, I had a hard time imagining that before long she would be running around whilst trying to speak actual words. However, I blinked my eyes and there she was: The toddler. I must say, toddlers are incredible little creatures. They bloom dramatically every single day and they really do make it feel like time is slipping wildly out of your hands. It is a beautiful thing to be able to take part in, but as with most things in life, toddlerhood comes with its struggles and there is definitely no handbook lying around with directions on how to get through those hurdles. 
One of the things that Saxon has recently began doing is the pre-tantrum. I use this word because I do not know how else to describe it. It is not quite a full blown tantrum yet, but it does include throwing herself to the ground, kicking her feet, and swinging her arms. Another thing is the hitting and the scratching. Sometimes when she is told to not do something, she seems to think that a swat or a scratch will make things better. And all you other todds out there, don’t you even think about taking Saxons pacifier because she is not merciful. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the time Saxon is extremely gentle with me and other people. In her Wednesday class, she is the first to give up her toy to another child. She loves to share, but all babies have their moments. In her moments of pre-tantrums, hitting me in the face, and her mini brawls with other babies, I am learning something that I've never been the best at. Patience. The virtue of all virtues. I know that I am Saxons greatest example, and I take my job very seriously. I think at certain times it is extremely important to take a step back, walk away from the situation for a few minutes and evaluate how to deal with it with a more calm and clear outlook.
I can admit that I have had the tendency to be a bit fussy at times. Quick to being annoyed, even. Saxon has truly helped me identify this in myself, as well as push me to be better in this arena of my life. Everyday, she teaches me how to be more understanding, patient, kind, and how to love with the biggest of loves. She is my greatest challenge, yet my greatest joy. Owning my own small business, and working from home is a whole different struggle in itself. Doing the juggling act of life with a toddler in tow, is no easy task. I try to remind myself everyday to slow down a bit, instead of trying to do 100 things in one day and just enjoy this little human who is sprouting at an incredible rate. One of these days, I am going to be one of those moms at the grocery store who really has to hold back from asking to hold a strangers newborn, and says something along the lines of “mine is 16 now”, and has that “where did time go and where is my baby?” look on their face. Before I know it, Saxon is going to be a teenager, and thats when stuff gets really real, right moms?! 

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