Mom to Mom Monday // 02

^^ this is the picture on her IG that started my addiction to her feed!

Today for Mom to Mom, we have Chelsea. 

I first stumbled upon her while we were both pregnant, and instantly (thank you instagram) I was in love. She has such a beautiful way of capturing the simple pleasures of life. If you couldn't already tell by her amazing pictures (^^)! Her IG feed is probably one of the happiest ones I follow. Full of flowers, puppy love (she has the cutest pup called G, for Guiness), and an adorable baby (Lorelai), who just melts me. They are an precious family and she is a super woman.

So here you have it folks, miss Chelsea. Prepare yourself, I cried.

Being a working mother is hard. I wish there was  a more profound word to justify just how hard it is. Even finding the time to write this post proved difficult, which goes to show just how much of a balancing game it is to be a working mom.

It completely goes against your motherly instinct, which is hard to ignore. Leaving my baby to go back to work that very first day nearly killed me. I stayed up the night before almost all night, staring at my sleeping baby. As a new mother my body was screaming at me not to leave my child, but to care for her. No one else could possibly know how she likes to be fed or what her tired cry sounds like. No one else in the world could comfort her like I, her mother, could.

However, our financial situation relies on my income. We are a two income household and I knew that this could not change by the time I would be expected back to work. Even though I had prepared for this my entire pregnancy and soaked up every second of my maternity leave.. the pain of returning to the work place was inevitable.

My first day went OK. I cried. I thought about her constantly. I checked in on her much more than necessary. But I did survive. The moments at the end of the day when I was with her again are indescribable. My heart immediately filled with joy. I took away two things from my first day back to work…. 1. This was going to be so hard; and 2. My time that I have with her is going to be so rewarding. Every second is precious.

A dear friend gave me the advice that it will never get easier, but you will get used to it. And so far, that has been true to my experience. I still struggle every morning that I leave her for work. Every Sunday evening I keep my daughter cuddled in bed with me much later than I should; not wanting to let her go. She is nearing 6 months old now and she still sleeps right next to our bed, because I figure I at least should be able to sleep next to her if I have to be away from her all day! But we have settled into a routine and for that I am grateful.

I remind myself often that going to work is the best way that I can provide for my child. My income allows me to give her the things that she needs to thrive and grow. But it will never be easy for me. I am so fortunate to have a very flexible work schedule, as does my husband, which has made this transition easier for us. I create my own hours and have the ability to work from home if needed. Already there have been days that her cough, or vaccines, took priority and my days were spent with her, right where I needed to be. I work four 10 hour days, which make for very long days, but allow me to spend three whole days with her on the weekends. Between both of our work schedules, our daughter only attends day care three days out of the week and is with one of us for four and that sits well with me. I find this balance is a lot easier to maintain as we continue to strive for an ideal work/life balance.

I know that I will face a lot of challenges yet in my role as a working mother. But reminding myself that I am working for her continues to ease my discomfort. Even though I have to be away from her during the work day, my heart is always with her. And few words can possibly explain the feelings inside when I pick her up after a long work day and her face lights up when she sees me. It makes every tear worth it.

Being a mother will always be my number one job.